Resisting Paralysis

My toddler likes to help me do the dishes, but is afraid of the disposal. One day recently, I was emptying out some old food and delaying pressing the noisy switch. To my dismay, I waited a little too long, and caused a clog in our pipes that resulted in a huge mess and a lot of work for my husband. 

While an honest mistake, I felt terrible, and the negative self-talk became deafening: “You should have known better!” it said. When I didn’t have time to eat dinner because I had to manage the kids amid the mess, it said, “You don’t deserve to eat anyway.”

During Lent, if we are not careful, we can similarly get bogged down in the emphasis on our sinfulness. We can dwell so much on our mistakes that we get paralyzed by shame. When that happens, we lack motivation or vision to see how God is working in the here and now. We convince ourselves that we do not deserve the love and mercy that God offers us. 

But today’s readings send a clear message: we are not to focus on the past, but rather on how to find God and live holy lives in the present. In the Gospel reading, Jesus demonstrates that he is not interested in dwelling on the past actions of the woman caught in adultery, but rather instructs her to “go, and from now on do not sin any more.” When we make mistakes, we are to accept that we have not “already attained perfect maturity,” as Paul says, and “continue [our] pursuit toward the goal”.

It is not only shame for our mistakes that can paralyze us – we can also be paralyzed by only looking for God in the past. In today’s first reading, God calls to mind one of the great acts of the book of Exodus – the parting of the Red Sea – only to tell the people not to consider these past acts, because, “see, I am doing something new!”

If I only ever look for God in the places where I used to find God – say, in hour-long stretches of silent prayer that are now non-existent with two kids – I would miss any new ways that God is speaking to me today. Similarly, if we as a Church or a nation only ever consider the ways that generations past wrote about God, we will miss the ways that God continues to call us forward today.

Personally, I have felt paralyzed by the overwhelming amount of bad news recently. When policy decisions I disagree with are coming at such a fast pace and I have such limited time and energy to begin with, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. 

Yet, I do believe we each have a unique role to play in the here and now. That God is calling us each to do something to carry God’s love and mercy into this hopeless-feeling moment. 

So, what is God trying to do in our world today that we are blind to? What can we do to let go of our shame or our closely-held ideas of who God is in order to see what new things God is doing? What steps is God asking us to take to participate in God’s work?

Today's Readings

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Kelly Sankowski is a freelance writer and editor focused on amplifying the voices of women in the Church. She lives in Toledo, Ohio with her husband and two sons. You can read more of her work on her website or subscribe to her substack.