I've always loved a good Marian hymn. Being a chorus girl myself, I think some of my favorite songs often were in May and October - the times we celebrated Mary the most. I am always partial to Hail Holy Queen (and yes, it MUST be the Sister Act version). I had a friend in grad school who would always lovingly scoff at “gentile woman”. She would remark that Mary was far from a gentle woman. She gave a resounding yes and should be recognized for her bravery. I wholeheartedly agree. She could have said no and then who knows how the plan would have unfolded. She truly is amazing. But can't she be amazing and brave and gentle?
As women, we know this dichotomy all too well. It started with Eve and Mary and hasn't stopped since. Every day women are pitted against each other. And all it does is tear us down.
Remembering that the Bible is not a book of historical fact but spiritual truth, we can also remember that the first few chapters in Genesis are myth stories. We don't know exactly how sin entered into the world. We just know that it happened. We do know, however, that Mary was born without original sin. This makes her special, of course, set apart. As it should. Mary is quite literally the mother of God. She should be special. She should be revered. As long as we also remember Mary’s humanity too.
I recently had a conversation about Mary with a fellow female theologian. She asked me if I thought Mary was perfect. I thought about it for a while and it made me curious. I asked her what the definition of perfect was. In this conversation, we determined that sinless and perfect are not the same thing. Mary is sinless but Jesus is perfect. Mary, probably, made mistakes; mistakes are not always sins. She probably yelled at Jesus once or twice (we know she at least got frustrated with him - see Presentation at the Temple). She probably didn’t always have a clean house. She probably didn’t make the most perfect chicken parm in Palestine. She was a mother and as far as I know (not being a mother myself), mothering is hard. Just because she wasn’t born with original sin doesn’t mean any of that is not possible.
I am at the life stage where many of my friends are now having babies. And I see their joy and love for their babies. But I also see their pain and worry and heartache. When their baby won’t stop crying and they can’t figure out why. When they are so tired from staying up all night with their baby they can’t put words together. When they lose the baby that has been growing inside them for 3, 4, 5, 6 months. When all they’ve wanted is a baby and it simply can’t happen. I wonder if seeing Mary as “perfect” has helped mothers and women alike. Is it a standard to live up to or pressure to be something that couldn’t have existed?
Mary is a woman who has known grief. Certainly as a mother, her own child was killed. But also just as a woman. I think that she continues to grieve for us today as well, her children. When we grieve, she grieves. When she sees women compared negatively to other women, she grieves. When she sees women putting pressure on themselves to meet an impossible standard, she grieves. When she sees the struggles women face everyday in our society, she grieves. Mary grieves with us as a human woman. She knows our pain; she’s experienced it. She is with us in it. As we pray, let us invite The One Who Grieves With Us so that she can sit in solidarity with us.
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